Reach out

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Abalinx 23 February 2020 Peter Adamis

I am going out on a limb here. Having been through a horrific divorce myself. Losing wife and four children at the same, with debts drowning me, I can relate to inner torment of the bloke who killed his entire family. Having said this does not mean that I knew his state of mind but rather can see that he needed help.

Mind you at no stage did it occur to me take the lives of my family. However the torment was still there year after year and finally after battling and struggling, I won custody of my four little boys.

If any one denies the statistics then they have rocks in their head. Statistics are easily manipulated. If anyone denies that men and women are equally to blame then they are emus with their heads in the sand. If any one denies that women are not capable of violence then they are morons.

Society must come to understand that it has changed and as a result of that change people attitudes towards one another will never be the same. A breakdown in relationships creates chaos, anxiety, sense of loss followed by anger and finally grief.   When love is misinterpreted, taken for granted or misused within a relationship, misunderstandings often lead to relationship breakdowns. Other factors such as finances, responsibilities, expectations, status, self esteem, education and maturity play a role in relationships.

Therefore in the absence of love and and understanding, anxiety, fear, anger and grief fill the vacuum. If they are not managed or handled appropriately or identified early, then self harm and rage may occur. Anxiety, anger and grief are the ingredients for rage and violence. A deadly cocktail when love is, taken for granted, misinterpreted or misused.Both genders are at fault and both genders capable of great harm. Concentrating one gender is counter productive. I don’t have the answer other than maybe it was my faith, friends, family, military values and strength that helped me pull through.

The bloke who killed his entire family could not see a life without his babies and the dark side within him triggered a horrific and wrong response within him. My sympathy goes out only to those whose lives he destroyed. Beautiful babies that deserved to live.  Whatever drove him to do this act I can only guess that he was unable to reconcile his love for his children with that of exacting punishment on his partner. He had reached his breaking point.

We who read about such acts are always horrified and vent our anger and demonstrate our emotions because we do not understand why such an act could happen.   Life unfortunately is not so simple and I am not immune to such horror. Society needs to come to grips with such acts of violence against one another and realise the futility of it all.  Remorse does not bring back the dead. Love can only be resilient if relationships are compatible not forced or used to control one another.

Family court decisions in making judgements must be holistic and take into account the needs of all concerned and not just the needs of the children. Counsellors should also realise that fact when dealing with sensitive issues.  It is also well known that both genders are at fault once a separation has occurred and as a result legal representatives need to stop taking an aggressive and combative attitude on behalf of their clients.

Please read my comments carefully as I don’t want to be the messenger with an alternative point of view to be shot down because I see things without the emotion.  Last of all, I do feel for the First Responders, such as the Police, SES, Paramedics and yes the mortuary people who have to live with the aftermath.  Always reach out before it’s too late.

Peter Adamis is a Journalist/Social Media Commentator and writer. He is a retired Australian military serviceman and an Industry organisational & Occupational (OHS) & Training Consultant whose interests are within the parameters of domestic and international political spectrum.  He is an avid blogger and contributes to domestic and international community news media outlets as well as to local and Ethnic News.  He holds a Bachelor   of Adult Learning & Development (Monash), Grad Dip Occupational Health & Safety, (Monash), and Dip. Training & Assessment, Dip Public Administration, and Dip Frontline Management. Website: abalinx.com Contact via Email: [email protected] 

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